


4th

by burkiebeans



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fourth of July, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 06:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12575664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burkiebeans/pseuds/burkiebeans
Summary: Based off of amosanguis' Here, Bullet----Sid knew something was wrong the minute he couldn't find Beau. He looked around first, wondering if he was with Flower or Tanger, but Flower was with his family and Tanger was near the front talking to Geno. It was dark out now, not the best time to lose your boyfriend.





	4th

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [here, bullet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438751) by [amosanguis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis). 



> Hey! This is inspired by amosanguis Here, Bullet! It's probably my favorite fic on AO3 and if you haven't read it yet you totally should! Thanks for allowing me to use the lines!

Based off  _ here, bullet _

 

_ Their first 4th, as soon as the sun sets, Beau sneaks away and puts his hands to his ears. _

 

Sid knew something was wrong the minute he couldn't find Beau. He looked around first, wondering if he was with Flower or Tanger, but Flower was with his family and Tanger was near the front talking to Geno. It was dark out now, not the best time to lose your boyfriend. 

 

Sid dropped whatever conversation he was having and walked quickly around the yard. No one else seemed to notice anything wrong. He sighed heavily as the fireworks started from across the lake then ran inside the house in hopes of finding Beau. 

 

He called out his name after he shut the door, but there was no answer. He walked in the hallways, opening and closing every room, until he heard something. 

 

He whipped around and opened the closet door, to find Beau curled up inside, with his hands against his ears and his eyes clenched shut. Tears were rolling down his face and Sidney wasn't sure if he had realized he was there or not. This was his boyfriend’s first 4th after deployment. He crouched down slowly, not to scare him, and gently placed his hand on Beau's arm. Beau jumped a little and shrieked out of terror, but relaxed after he opened his eyes. Sid moved closer to him, and somehow managed to fit two overgrown hockey players inside one closet. Beau melted into his body and let himself bury his face against his neck. Sid could feel him shake against him and just held him tighter, allowing him to cry. 

 

_ On their second 4th, Beau grits his teeth as the sharp whistling sound cuts through the air and he grins as the sky is painted a myriad of colors and he pretends he isn't panicking, isn't falling apart on the inside. _

 

He tells himself,  _ he can do this _ , as he walks outside with Sid. It's his second year dating Sidney and he felt pretty confident now. After what happened last year, he knows what to do. He's happier now, he has better self-control; at least that's what he tells himself. 

 

The sky grows darker by the second, and the whole team is watching the sunset over the lake. It's quickly turning from a blood red, to a purple color, then to black. That's when it starts.

 

He takes a deep breath and laces his fingers with Sidney. He looks up at the man beside him, who sends him a reassuring smile and squeezes his hand. He smiles a fake smile back and looks over the water.

 

Beau admits to himself that yeah, the sky is actually really nice. The colors change quickly and it relaxes him in a way. But then the aftershock of the sound comes. The first one wasn't so bad, but then there's more. They get louder and more frequent, and now Beau isn't so sure he’ll last.

 

He leans into his boyfriend's side and hopes that it'll help him. Sid wraps an arm around him and realizes that he's trembling. He becomes stiff and looks down at Beau, who just looks up and nods. 

 

He's fine. He’ll be okay. 

 

_ On their third 4th, Beau puts his head to Sidney’s chest and screams so he doesn’t hear the sounds outside – raucous laughter and whoops and the hiss of RPGs and mortars that never seem to hit the right target. _ __   
_   
_ __ “I’ve got you,” Sidney says against his hair, his voice desperate and so, so far away.  “I’m right here, Beau, you’re safe.  I swear, you’re safe.”

 

Beau and Sidney were sitting in the house, curled up on the couch. The team was outside with their families, but Sid knew the moment it got dark. Beau was having one of his rare, but intense bad days. He woke up screaming and thrashing around the bed, and barely had the effort to move. Sid knew he shouldn't have let him go to the party, but Beau insisted. He wanted Sid to have a good time, since he had a small break from the ice.

 

When Beau heard the first crack, he tensed and leaned into Sid. He was shaking, but Sidney just held him as tight as he could. He rested his head against his boyfriends chest and just wracked with sobs. The tears were starting to soak his shirt, but Sidney didn't care. He had a million other black shirts to wear, but his main focus right now was the trembling man lying on him.

 

“Hey It’s okay, you're gonna be alright.” Sidney mumbled into Beau’s ear.

 

Beau just shook his head. The sounds were becoming louder and occurred more often. He could hear the shouts and hollers from outside. The kids yelling “more! More!”

 

He screamed. 

 

He yelled as loud as he could. He needed to block out the sounds, moreover he needed to erase the images from his head. The explosions from outside his tent from the grenades. They were never close enough to kill him, but always far enough away that they never seemed to go where he wanted it. 

 

He screamed more when Sid held him tighter. He wrapped his strong arms around his body and just let him thrash and yell into his chest. But he was okay with it. He never got mad. He never once left him. He was always there. 

 

“I’ve got you,” Sidney says against his hair, his voice desperate and so, so far away.  “I’m right here, Beau, you’re safe.  I swear, you’re safe.”

 

_ For their fourth 4th, they’re in Canada.  Beau still grills and decorates the house in American flags, wears an apron that says: I have not yet begun to cook! _ __   
_   
_ __ And when the sun goes down – there’s nothing screaming into the sky, no bursts of colors, and no explosions.

 

Sid had brought Beau home to meet his family over the summer. It only seemed right since they were engaged now. They were  _ fiancés _ . The word seemed to roll right off Sidney's tongue, but it never ceased to amaze him.

 

The 4th was still important to Beau- no matter how much it hurt him inside. They were currently at Sidney's house in Cole Harbour, which was extremely patriotic. An American flag was draped outside the door, and smaller plastic ones lined the lawn. Red, white, and blue streamers were hung from the front porch, much to the dismay of Sid. 

 

But, everyone who knows Sid knows he's boring. So it was only Beau’s God given right to annoy him with the colors. Inside the house, over the fireplace, was the folded American flag. The one that Beau was given by the Navy for his service. Now that was one Sid could stand. 

 

Beau was outside in the backyard grilling the burgers and singing along to whatever country music was playing on the radio. He was wearing the stupid apron Geno gave him (jokingly) as a gift. 

 

Sidney was sitting on a lounge chair watching his fiancé with pure amusement. He held the beer to his lips and chuckled whenever Beau would sway his hips, or sing off key.

 

“What?” Beau says as he whips around, looking at Sidney.

 

Sid just stands up and places his drink on the ground beside him. He saunters behind Beau and wraps his arms around his waist and places his head on Beau’s shoulder. He smiles and moves along with Beau to the sway of the music.

 

“Nothin’” Sid says slowly, “I just really, really love you.”

 

Beau turns his head and places the spatula on the grill. He presses his lips softly onto Sid’s, but pulls away too quickly.

 

“Tease” Sidney says, while stealing his “kiss the cook” hat from Beau.

 

“C’mere cook!” He yells while waving the hat frantically and running away, “come and kiss me!”

 

_ On their fifth 4th, Beau – running his fingers through Sidney’s hair – smiles bright and wide, their faces painted white then purple then green. _ __   
__   
_ “I love you,” Sidney says, loud enough to be heard through Beau’s ear plugs. _ __   
__   
_ “I love you, too,” Beau says, shifting so the Stanley Cup wasn’t digging into his back anymore. _ __   
_   
_ They're back in America, back with the team, for their first 4th as a  __ married  couple. They had already eaten, and now they were just standing in the sand waiting for the show to start.

 

The kids were playing tag along the beach, and the couples were lying close to each other, enjoying the alone time. The rookies were getting initiated in their “hazing” ritual, which consisted of drinking all the cheap beer which was left. 

 

The sky grew darker and Beau took that as his que to get ready for the fireworks. He untangled his hand from Sid’s, which earned a whine from the older boys mouth. 

 

“Oh shush.” He said with a sly smile. 

 

He reached into his husbands front pocket and dug around until he found the ear plugs. He placed them in his ears, just in time for the show to start. 

 

He gazed across the lake as the colors started to show. First it was white, then red, and then blue came into the mix. Somewhere in the middle him dreaming off, Sid pulled him closer into his side.

 

He looked up at his husband and smiled a wide, toothy grinned. He moved his hands to either side of his face and let them rest there while the colors bursted. He saw them change off of Sidney's skin as he ran his fingers over the newly cut hair.

 

They both melted to the ground, alongside the treasure to Pittsburgh, the Cup. Sidney pulled Beau into a kiss and leaned into his torso. Beau placed his back gently against the silver and smiled into the kiss.

 

Sidney pulled away, and mumbled something inaudible to Beau.

 

“What?” He half yelled.

 

“I love you” Sidney yelled back.

 

Beau heard the muffled statement and smiled.

 

“I love you too” he said quietly. 

 

He pushed Sid’s chest away so he would lay on the ground. Beau went down next to him and placed his head on Sid’s chest and looked up.

 

The sky erupted into colors, and Beau was  _ happy _ . He felt the Sidney interlace their ringed fingers together, and then their hands. Nothing could beat this. Nothing.


End file.
